Not long ago I found myself curled in a blanket with the remote, ready to watch Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock in Two Weeks Notice, a film hailed by The Los Angeles Times as having the “wit and charm of a classic romantic comedy.” A sucker for classics, how could I resist?

I was quickly drawn in by the film’s portrayal of Lucy Kelson, an activist attorney set on saving her beloved Coney Island neighborhood from greedy developers. Lucy was passionate and determined, brilliant and bold, but also lonely.

Into this picture enters wealthy real estate developer George Wade, the very man who threatens to destroy the neighborhood Lucy’s fighting to save. Selfish, spoiled and a womanizer, George is everything that should be avoided in a romantic interest. However, the screenwriter ignores these serious character flaws and convinces viewers that George is a man Lucy can go from despising to falling in love with by the end of the film.

Me, I was sorely disappointed when the credits finally ran. Why did I feel so empty after watching a film that seemed to have so much potential? I realized the answer could be found in the myths Two Weeks Notice and other chick flicks teach us about love.

It Only Takes a Kiss
We’re all familiar with the story of The Princess and the Toad. This fairy tale conjures romantic ideals of Prince Charming masked under the façade of ugliness. All it takes to transform the toad into a prince is the kiss of a princess.

Modern movies have done little to move past this basic storyline. For example, the 2002 film A Walk to Remember is the story of “good girl” Jamie Sullivan, whose love ultimately changes the life of “bad boy” Landon Carter.

Now, there’s truth in the love of a woman having a civilizing affect on a man. The Bible tells us in Genesis that it’s not good for a man to be alone. However, softening the rough edges of a man who’s already pursuing godliness and changing the core of an unrepentant man are two different issues. Our love can’t change the heart of a man. The only force strong enough to do so is the transforming power of the cross.

My first boyfriend is a classic example of this Hollywood fallacy lived out. I was drawn to the “bad boy,” believing I saw good in him that outweighed all the obvious character flaws I should’ve viewed as red flags. Because of my affection for him, I overlooked his flirtatious ways and constant lies. I ignored the concerns of my parents. I believed my love for him could change him. It couldn’t, and in the end I was left with a broken heart. My frog remained a frog.

Hollywood Underrates Commitment
In today’s society it isn’t unusual to hear that a couple is “living together.” The movies Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail feature one or more of the lead characters living with their current romantic interest. In both films, these characters break up with their cohabiting partner for a love they deem better. They walk away from the former relationship seemingly unscathed. And, while I love the 2006 Warner Bros. release The Lake House, at one point it’s clear that our heroine, Kate, is living with her boyfriend, Morgan, a man she quickly leaves when her relationship with Alex becomes a reality.

In real life, stories of cohabitation don’t normally end on such a positive note. I had a friend who spent two years living with his girlfriend. I met him shortly after they broke up, and he’d moved out. He was disillusioned and bitter. Hardly a man ready for marriage. If anything, cohabitation had made him leery of commitment.

But, chick flicks don’t stop with their portrayals of cohabitation in underrating the importance of commitment. In recent years the premise of several films has been an engaged individual falling for someone other than his or her fiancé, all the while keeping this budding relationship a secret. Two examples include The Wedding Planner and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement.

Now, I’m not saying there’s no turning back after the proposal. In fact, sometimes reasons not to get married don’t appear until a couple has entered engagement. The issue is the lack of regard these characters have for their fiancés. Rather than revealing their dissatisfaction and desire for a different relationship, they keep their fiancés in the dark until the secret is suddenly—and many times, unexpectedly—revealed.

Many chick flicks downplay the importance of a marriage with the practice and acceptance of cohabitation. Additionally, they encourage deception in dating and engagement relationships. As viewers, we’re fed this message: Seek your own happiness and fulfillment, regardless of who gets hurt.

What’s Love Without Sex?
Another movie I indulged in was ABC Family’s original romantic comedy Lucky 7. The story focuses on Amy, an attorney who’s convinced her seventh boyfriend will be “the one.” Problem is, she finds herself falling in love with Daniel, who’s only number six. To reconcile this problem, Amy agrees to attend a wedding with Peter, the manager of a local bagel store. Here the plot only thickens. During their weekend trip, Amy and Peter are unable to ignore their feelings for one another. And, of course, the logical expression of this, common in a lot of chick flicks, is the pair wind up together in bed. Because, according to Hollywood, what would a good relationship be without sex?

Lucky 7 is only one example of the chick flick’s dangerous message against purity. Other examples include the popular yet overtly sexual Bridget Jones films and the 2006 release The Break-Up. While the Bible warns us against sex outside of marriage, many of these movies scream: Sex naturally accompanies romantic involvement.

Yet at the same time, these storylines often avoid exploring the consequences of premarital sex. In her book Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry, Lisa Bevere writes, “When a man and a woman have a sexual relationship, there is a sexual soul tie forged between them. In other words, there really is no such thing as casual sex. The encounter leaves both parties changed.”

She continues, “Sex outside of marriage dishonors marriage, each participant and God, but sex within the covenant of marriage honors God and the husband and the wife. This is why we are admonished to keep the marriage bed holy.”

These are issues seldom, if ever, addressed in the chick flick, where we see the characters hop from one bed to another with no problem.

It seems that the only time we can count on seeing consequences of premarital sex is in movies set in past eras, such as Pride and Prejudice and Hallmark Entertainment’s The Magic of Ordinary Days. In Pride and Prejudice we witness the behavior of the youngest daughter, Lydia, as shameful, affecting her as an individual as well as her entire family, while in The Magic of Ordinary Days Livy’s out-of-wedlock pregnancy is responded to by her requirement to marry.

Finding the Truth
Am I suggesting we stop watching chick flicks? Certainly not. If we did, I’d have to throw out at least a dozen DVDs. What I’m saying is this: Not only do we need to exercise caution in what messages we feed ourselves via the media, but we need to combat lies with the truth.

How can we do this? First, in the area of romance, God should be our guide, not Hollywood screenwriters. As a former film student, I quickly learned that integrity of message isn’t a prime motivator in writing a script. Hidden agendas, political views and, most important, the power of the almighty dollar come into play. We shouldn’t trust those who don’t have our best interests in mind to influence our thinking and behavior in romantic matters. God, on the other hand, is for us. As Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, He has plans to give us a future and a hope. This includes all areas of our lives, even the romantic arena.

Second, we should look to godly relationships around us as examples and not to characters in films. When my husband and I were courting, we were fortunate to be surrounded by married couples who were pursuing and living out godly relationships. We didn’t have to look any further than our friends to see how love could be lived out in a humble and God-honoring fashion. We weren’t left to the examples of Lucy Kelson and George Wade.