Stuck

Dear Stuck:
I’m glad you’ve made her feel welcome. You’ve reached out to her, and that’s exactly what Christ wants you to do.

You’ve already told her that you don’t approve of the lying, so now maybe it’s time to go a step further. How about saying something like this: “Trust is a huge issue in a friendship. And if I can’t trust you to tell the truth, we don’t have a genuine friendship. So I’m leaving the decision up to you. If you want to be friends, we have to be honest with each other. If you decide not to be honest, we’ll need to go our separate ways.”

And if you do quit being friends, you’ll still want to reflect Christ to her: Be friendly, talk with her at church, etc. Even the apostle Paul and Barnabas had to back off from their friendship, but they remained Christians and continued to care deeply for each other. You can do the same.

Dear Susie:
My boyfriend is 21, and I’m 18. The other night we went to dinner, and he was drinking. Afterward, we went back to his parents’ house, where no one was home. He kissed me goodnight but just kept kissing me. This led to some heavy petting.

The next morning he didn’t remember anything because of the drinking and wanted me to tell him. I told him that we had gone pretty far, but I didn’t want to tell him any details because I’m furious at myself for not stopping it.

We’re both Christians and want to be pure when we get married. He’s still asking about what happened. Should I give him the details?

Torn

Dear Torn:
What’s your pre-requisite for marriage? Is it being in love? Is it being with someone who loves you? Neither of these, in my opinion, is a strong enough reason to marry the person you’re dating. My personal pre-requisite for marriage is this: Can this guy and I together do more and be more for God than we can separately?

I don’t see this kind of no-compromise commitment to God in your relationship with your guy. I do see several red flags in your relationship: Your boyfriend drinks, and he doesn’t seem to be the spiritual leader. If he is the spiritual leader (and I’ve just missed it), why would he allow the two of you to be alone in his parents’ home? He could have easily ended the evening when he realized his parents were gone.

Is he wanting to know what happened because of curiosity or because of deep regret and concern? If he were truly regretful and repentant, it seems as though he would have been talking with his pastor (or spiritual mentor) the next day, saying, “I’ve really blown it. I don’t know how far we went, but it wasn’t good. I was drinking. We were alone. Help me! I want to make things right with God and with my girlfriend.”

That’s desperation. And that’s exactly what God wants from us. Should you tell him? If he’s truly repentant (and has proven it by the above paragraph or something similar), perhaps—but do so in the company of a pastor or someone who can help both of you develop some definite boundaries.

And again . . . please don’t assume this is the guy with whom God wants you to spend the rest of your life.

Dear Susie:
I’ve seen so many things that say or imply that God loves everyone; things such as “Smile, God Love You” and the Bible verse “For God so loved the world.” Does God really love non-Christians? Murderers and terrorists? I don’t see how He can. After all, He’s supposed to hate sin!

Confused

Dear Confused:
Yes, God really does love every human being in the entire world. It’s true He hates sin . . . but He loves the sinner. In fact, He loves us so much that He gives us free will to decide if we’re going to love Him back and give Him our lives of if we’ll turn out backs on Him and do our own thing.

I used to think, Why doesn’t God just make everyone love Him? But that wouldn’t be real love, would it? Genuine love allows the freedom to choose. Otherwise we’d just be robots, not human beings. For all who choose to repent of their sins and follow Christ, they’ll spend eternity with God. But those who reject Christ will be separated from Him forever in hell.