Confused

Dear Confused:
This isn’t the first time he’s been involved with porn, and you’re still hanging on? What attracts you to someone who’s viewing women as objects and lustfully eyeing intimate parts of them that only their husbands should see? Don’t you want your future husband to view your body and yours alone?

I know that’s hard for you to read, but I care enough about you to let you know that you’re worth much more! You deserve a guy who adores you, someone who sees you as the Princess of the King of Kings. What your boyfriend has stored inside his mind will never be forgotten! So when he’s out with you, he’s reliving what’s indelibly imprinted on his mind.

Want to help him? Break up with him. Maybe that will help wake him up to the fact that he needs help.

Dear Susie:
I’m 19, and one of my best friends wants me to get drunk with her. I’m not that type of girl, and she knows that, but she won’t stop pestering me about drinking with her. I won’t lie; I’ve had a few drinks, but that was only with my mother, who said it was OK. I know that still doesn’t make it right, because I’m not of drinking age.

I’ve told my mom about the pressure my friend is putting on me, but she doesn’t have an answer for me. I want to be friends with this girl, but she’s made some choices that make me uncomfortable.

Questioning

Dear Questioning:
I’m sorry your mom allowed you to drink! That was a mistake that should have never happened. And any friend who’s pressuring you to do something that’s not right isn’t a genuine friend. You may end up losing her “friendship,” but I encourage you to come right out and tell her NO! Tell her you’re uncomfortable with drinking, it’s not right—not to mention it’s illegal in every state—and you no longer want to be badgered into doing something you don’t want to do.

Dear Susie:
I was reading some Christian books about teenage relationships. Because I was inspired by the authors, I felt that God was telling me to give up dating; so I did. Now that I’ve done this, I’m starting to question if it’s really the right thing to do. I mean, how will I know when to start dating again? And how do I know which guy will be the right one? There’s lots of pressure to start dating, because I’m smart, popular and athletic. Is this nondating thing a realistic commitment?

Second Guessing

Dear Second Guessing:
I think what you’re really asking is, “Did God tell me to make that decision, or did I just make it because I was temporarily inspired by some books?”

I can’t give you a definite answer, but I will try to help you unravel the confusion. Christians have a variety of opinions on dating. Some believe it’s wrong; others believe it’s fine with boundaries; others recommend courtship instead of dating.

I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with Christians dating Christians—with boundaries. But if God is telling you not to date, then you need to obey Him. I know what you’re thinking: Was it God, or was it just me?

One of the problems with making such a rash promise is this: Let’s say you refuse to date for a few years. Perhaps your senior year of college you meet a great Christian guy who shares your morals, and he asks you to dinner. If you go, you’ll probably feel guilty because of your promise not to date. If you don’t go, you’ll probably wonder if you should have.

Another problem with such a rash promise is: How long does the promise last? Until you’re out of college? Until you have your master’s degree? When will it finally be OK to date? Does the promise ever expire?

I don’t believe God is into rash promises as much as He’s into daily obedience. Instead of promising not to date, I’d rather see you promise to live each day according to God’s will. It may not be God’s will for you to date today. But tomorrow He may bring a godly young man into your life whom you’d love getting to know.

You asked how to know whom to go out with. Keep your standards high! Dare to be choosy! Don’t date anyone who’s not a Christian and who doesn’t share your morals.