I’ve recently been reading some books about not dating. I don’t feel that dating is wrong for me, but should I listen to the books? I just want to be doing what God wants for me. Should I just give up dating all together?

Searching

Dear Searching:

I admire your desire to know and to do God’s will. Should you listen to the books you’ve read? Ultimately, your goal is to listen to God. But He certainly speaks through writing, as well as through people (your pastor, parents, other Christians). He also speaks to you individually—through your heart and your thoughts.

I’m also glad to know that you’ve set up new physical boundaries, but I also encourage you to establish some accountability with an older Christian female who can ask you the tough questions from time to time. A True Love Waits ring won’t keep you from going too far again; only total surrender to Christ and your dependence on Him to help you maintain those boundaries will ensure victory.

Should you give up dating? If you can’t date without going too far, then yes—you need to give it up. Your purpose in life is to bring glory to God. Maybe you can do that through a godly dating relationship; maybe you can’t. Keep praying about it. God will make it clear to you.

Dear Susie:
A guy asked me out, and I suggested that we get to know each other more before we jump into a dating relationship. So we’ve been doing just that, but now he’s asking again if I’m ready to date him. I’m 17. What are your thoughts? Where in God’s Word does it talk about this?

Wondering

Dear Wondering:
I admire you for wanting to know him better before getting into something deeper. There are other questions you’ll also want answered: Is he a Christian? Does he share your morality? Why is he in such a hurry to move from a friendship/courtship into a dating relationship? What do your parents think?

The Bible doesn’t really talk about dating. So this is a question that you’ll need to answer with the help of God and your parents. I’m guessing your folks have some thoughts about when they feel you’re mature enough to be in a relationship.

Dear Susie:
I cut, but not as often as I used to. I credit this to my friends—not because they were supportive or concerned—but because they are very against a group of people called “emos.” (And by against, I mean pure, unadulterated hatred.)

Because most emos cut, when my friends discovered I cut, I was immediately put into the emo box. It hurt. A lot. They gave me an ultimatum: cutting or friends. Of course, I chose friends, but that doesn’t mean I stopped wanting to cut. I just stopped doing it as often.

Now I feel as though all the emotions I got out by cutting are just sitting inside me, and I’m having a tough time finding a constructive way to release them. On the other hand, even though my friends were very harsh about it, they did get me to slow down. I don’t know where I’m going with this; I guess I just wanted to hear what you think. I’m open to ideas.

Desperate

Dear Desperate:
I’m glad you wrote! But I wish I wasn’t reduced to simply a few paragraphs with you on paper. You need more. And you know what I’m going to say next, don’t you? Counseling.

Why is that so important? Because, as you already know, there’s something deeper going on here than simply slashing your skin. You’re hurting so bad inside that you feel the only release you have is to direct your attention to physical pain. That’s not the answer! It never will be the answer!

My heart breaks for you. And God’s heart is breaking for you. He wants to bring joy to you. And peace. How long has it been since you’ve experienced that?

My short answer is: You can get tremendous relief from kick-boxing, hitting a punching bag, pouring your thoughts into a journal, slamming tennis balls against a backboard, singing and even crying. But you need more than short-term relief. You need God’s healing. Please talk with a Christian counselor, parents or youth pastor. We love you!