Perplexed

Dear Perplexed:
It’s possible that he has a problem that should be evaluated by a physician. You could encourage him to see his family doctor. But make sure you’re using the term depression accurately. Is he truly depressed? Or is he simply down about things? Either way, you could be in for a roller-coaster ride, and this could eventually take a toll on your emotions.

Dear Susie:
I’m enrolled in a required humanities class, and we’re studying different religions. I feel uncomfortable about this, because I’m a Christian, and I don’t need to learn about other religions. My teacher isn’t a Christian, and I’m hesitant in telling him about my faith, because I’m afraid he’ll try to sway me to a different belief. Should I take a Bible to class? Should I stand up for my beliefs?

Uncomfortable

Dear Uncomfortable:
I think it’s great that you’re studying different religions! What’s there to be afraid of? If you’re grounded in your own faith, and if you have an intimate, growing relationship with Christ, this shouldn’t faze you at all.

And by learning about Buddhism, Islam and other religions, you’re equipping yourself to witness to others who share those beliefs. Yes, take your Bible to class. And yes, stand up for your beliefs. But share your faith in a gentle and respectful manner, and ask God to help you choose your words carefully. He’ll tell you when to speak up, what to say and when to remain silent.

Dear Susie:
Do you think it’s OK to date a guy who’s not a Christian? I’m in college and live five hours from my boyfriend, so we don’t see each other that much. But all I think about is wanting to be with him and what we can do—touching each other, taking off shirts, but never going all the way, just foreplay.

I hate thinking these things, and when I do, I want to run and hide from God. Even though I’ve never acted these things out, I feel dirty. What can I do so that when I’m with my boyfriend, I don’t let my body tell me how to act?

Wondering

Dear Wondering:
I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability! I know from the mail I get that lots of other girls reading this letter are struggling with the same thing you are. First, I don’t believe it’s wise to date someone who’s not a Christian. (But I’m not saying that dating a Christian will erase your struggle!) In fact, Scripture tells us not to be “yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Take comfort in the fact that God understands your struggle. He created us as sexual beings, and it’s natural to yearn for the one you love. But to fantasize specific activity between you and that person is wrong. Why? Because you’re allowing your mind to act out things that God has reserved for marriage.

Memorize these Scriptures, and when your mind starts heading in the wrong direction, quote your memory verses and start praying. God is faithful! He’ll always provide a way out of temptation, if you’ll ask Him.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others.” (Philippians 4:8 The Living Bible)

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

PRAY! Tell God you’re sorry for allowing your thoughts to go wild. Ask Him to help you control them. You’re wise to want to create a plan ahead of time that will keep your body from calling the shots when you’re with a guy.

Dear Susie:
Do you reply to every letter or e-mail that you receive or just the ones you publish? I’ve wanted to know this ever since I’ve started reading the magazine.

Anxious

Dear Anxious:
I actually receive approximately 1,200 letters and e-mails each month. Fortunately, we have a wonderful correspondence team here at Focus on the Family that answers most of them for me. If we didn’t have them, we’d never be able to get the mag out the door!

I answer several, and of the ones I answer, I publish only a fraction.

Dear Susie:
I feel completely hopeless. I broke up with my boyfriend. I had to move out of my house and into someone else’s home because we couldn’t afford the mortgage, and now my family is leaving the church I love for a different one.

I cry all the time. I had an argument with my mom about leaving our church, and now she won’t even talk to me. I wish God were here with me now. I feel like He doesn’t even care.

Hopeless

Dear Hopeless:
I’m sorry you had to move out of your house. It’s obvious that things are very stressful for you and your entire family right now. Can you take comfort in the fact that God is here with you right now? And He cares deeply about everything that concerns you. Try memorizing these verses for hope:

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
“I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35; 38-39)

I hate it that you and your mom aren’t talking. Try writing her a note. Pour out your feelings on paper, but do it in a gentle and respectful way. I wish I could make the hurt go away. The best I can do is pray for you and direct you closer to the One who truly understands everything you’re feeling. We love you!

Dear Susie:
I started cutting a few months ago, and I recently tried to kill myself. I told one of the leaders at my church, and she told my parents. Now my parents are checking my arms everyday, and they won’t leave me alone for more than two seconds.

They’re going through my things, and I feel like I can’t confide in any of the leaders at my church because they betrayed my trust. What should I do?

Angry

Dear Angry:
I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time right now, but I feel I need to be blunt with you. Why wouldn’t you expect this response after attempting suicide?!? Your youth pastor is most likely required by law to report a suicide attempt. If he’s not legally required, he’s certainly morally required.

What should you do? Be grateful you have a youth leader and two parents who love you to take your suicide attempt and your cutting seriously!

You say you’re depressed, so make an appointment with your family physician to discuss counseling and/or medication.

Dear Susie:
I need a way to be motivated to read my Bible every day. Do you have any ideas? I really want to grow closer to God, but I’m just not motivated.

Needing a Push

Dear Needing a Push:
Choose a friend to hold you accountable and set a goal for both of you to read the entire Bible in one year. Here are a few things that have motivated me:

• I choose a version I haven’t read before.

• One year I decided to read the Bible through on my knees.

• Another year I read it through out loud.

• Consider listening to the Bible on CD.

If you’ll read three chapters every day and five chapters every Sunday, you’ll automatically have read the entire Bible in one year. After you and your friend have accomplished this, treat yourselves to dinner at a fancy restaurant.