“Beware of leaves! A leaf could blow into your eye, cause you to stumble into a bicyclist, who could fly over the handlebars into a traveling badger salesman—releasing hundreds of scared badgers!”

If your mom has said something like this, she suffers from WCSS (Worst-Case-Scenario Syndrome). It can lead moms always to assume the worst:

“Be careful at lunch. Your bologna could explode.”

“You’re only driving to the mall, but what if the brakes go out—or a volcano erupts?”

The pressure of motherhood can lead to other conditions like WCCS, so do something special this Mother’s Day to show your mom you care. If not, she may also develop:

MASA (Make Anything Sound Amazing). This is the ability to make anything unpleasant sound like you just won the “Luckiest Person Alive” award.

“Today we all get to do yard work. And then we’re having a Grime Scrub-a-thon!”

“Auntie Merle is spending the summer with us—and you get to share your bed with her!”

SSS (Shocking-Suggestion Syndrome)—Moms with SSS will counter something you’ve suggested with something totally opposite.

You (buying cereal): Oooh, Mom, can we get Honey Blasted Sugar Glaciers or Cavity Crunch?

Mom: Can we go a little healthier? How about Fiber Piles?

OR

You: I hope Clayton takes me to “Castle of Carne” tonight and then to see a movie!

Mom: Why go out? We have leftover fish casserole!

CPC (Compulsive Packet Collecting)—Occurs dining out. Packets of hot sauce, mayonnaise, dipping sauce, butter—if it’s left over, it’s taken home. Moms with CPC will think, You just never know when you’ll need one ounce of soy sauce!

My mom had CPC, and there were days I was afraid to open the refrigerator. (Newspaper headline: “Boy Buried in Individually Wrapped Butter!”)

JSD (Jittery Squirrel Disorder)—Have you ever seen a squirrel sleep? Exactly! Moms with JSD can be seen constantly organizing, arranging and fussing.

My wife’s mom has JSD. It can be 2 a.m., and by then I’m too tired to drool. But she’s running around like there’s a fire. Then she’s up first the next day, doing the same thing! I’m not sure, but she may be a robot.

CNN (Constant Need to Narrate)—This surfaces when you’re learning to drive:

Mom (in passenger seat): There’s a sign. There’s a car. The light is yellow. Truck turning. He’s changing lanes. Stop sign. There’s construction! Guy with beard.

UMS (Universal Mom Speech)—Moms with UMS use the same phrases every mom in the history of moms has used: “Because I said so,” “Someday you’ll understand,” “Close the door—you don’t live in a barn,” “Eat that, it’s good for you.”

Maybe you recognize some of these in your mom. Don’t panic. Though being a mom may lead to occasional strange behavior, it also leads to an amazing amount of care, love, sacrifice, concern and commitment—that may show up as a fear of leaves.