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More Than a Letter — Flirting
by Denise Morris

Flirt Is it OK to flirt? What exactly is flirting, anyway? I’ve heard a lot about it, but if it’s something that dishonors God, I want to avoid it.

Wondering

Dear Wondering:

It’s great that you want to approach this issue from a biblical perspective. Flirting is something that both guys and girls do in our culture today, but there’s a lot of ambiguity about what it is, what’s acceptable and what goes too far.

So—to flirt or not to flirt? That’s the question.

What is flirting? The traditional definition: Acting as though you like a guy but not having serious intentions about being in a relationship with him.

This is easy to see at school or even in youth group. Guys and girls flirt by talking suggestively, making jokes or hugging, but they don’t plan to be in a committed dating relationship. That’s not the right way to pursue a relationship with a guy.

Why? Well, first of all, casual flirting can devalue people and relationships. Throughout the Bible, we see the importance God places on community. He wants us to have strong, healthy relationships with one another. Jesus tells us that the second most important thing in life is to love other people as much as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). When we flirt just for the sake of flirting, we run the risk of leading on a guy. This ends up hurting his feelings and causing him to think that we care for him more than we actually do.

mags Also, flirting can make us think we should act a certain way instead of acting as we really are. Flirting is suggestive, and sometimes girls end up dressing immodestly or saying inappropriate things because they think it’ll impress a guy. No matter how much you may like a guy, it’s not worth compromising your morals or your dignity in order to get him to notice you.

So, does avoiding casual flirting mean that you can’t show interest in a guy? No. If your parents have given you permission to date, then there’s nothing wrong with being available to a guy you like. Sharing a smile or a conversation with someone is just fine. It’s a way to get to know him and let him know who you really are.

Then, when the guy decides to pursue you, he’ll know your true personality. You won’t have a relationship built on winks, nervous giggling or immodest behavior; you’ll actually have some substance there. And quality relationships between guys and girls who care about the interests of others are always God-honoring.

—Denise

This article appeared in Brio & Beyond magazine in July 2008. Copyright © 2008 Denise Morris. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

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