Hopeless
Marysville, Wash.

Dear Hopeless:
I applaud you for wanting to improve your relationship with Mom. It seems as though relationships with parents are the toughest during our teen years. As we grow older and mature emotionally, our family relationships usually improve.

It sounds as though the two of you have a personality clash. That’s not bad; it’s simply something you need to work through. You mentioned that most of your arguments are over small things. But you know what? Anytime yelling is involved, small things quickly explode into huge things!

Write your mom a note expressing your desire to improve your relationship. Suggest that when an argument begins to develop, the two of you either talk calmly with each other or wait until you’ve both cooled off before continuing the conversation. In other words, ask your mom to help you establish a set of ground rules for the two of you. They might begin to look something like this: (1) No yelling (2) No interruptions (3) Each must always treat the other with kindness and respect, and so on.

Dear Susie:
I have a great boyfriend. He treats me very well and respects my boundaries, but he’s not a Christian. I don’t want my relationship with God to unravel over someone who doesn’t love Christ as much as I do.

I can feel my faith falling apart already! My boyfriend does say and do some things that aren’t representative of good behavior. But I still really love him. And it feels so right!

What should I do?

Confused in Connecticut
From our e-mail bag

Dear Confused:
I appreciate your honesty. Let me repeat some of your own words back to you: “I can feel my faith falling apart!” “I don’t want my relationship with Christ to unravel over someone who doesn’t love Christ as much as I do.” And (paraphrased) “My boyfriend says and does things that aren’t good.”

Hmmm.

Sounds as though you’ve answered your own question, doesn’t it? If you truly don’t want to damage your relationship with Christ, and you’re already seeing it begin to unravel, and you’re bonding closely with someone who’s doing and saying things that go against your value system, the answer is to break things off.

You say you’re in love with him and it feels so right. Isn’t that a contradiction to “my faith is falling apart”? If you’re with someone who’s instrumental in damaging your faith, how can it feel right?

It may feel good, but it can’t feel right. There’s a difference. Sure, it feels good to be cared for by someone, but just because it’s nice to be the apple of someone’s eye doesn’t mean it’s right. You can actually be in love with the wrong person!

Bottom line: Do you trust God enough to give Him control of your dating life? If so, surrender this relationship to Christ. If you do, one of three things will happen: (1) God will bring someone into your guy’s life to lead him into a personal relationship with Christ, and the two of you may or may not get back together. (2) God will bring a Christian guy into your life. (3) God will keep you single for a while to grow closer to Him.

Can you accept those possibilities? If so, Jesus is Lord of your dating life.

Dear Susie:
I’m a 17-year-old guy who’s doing his best to pursue God’s plan for purity. I want to say something to Christian girls that they might not realize: The way you dress really does affect guys.

Modesty isn’t some outdated, legalistic rule from the early church. When you wear revealing clothing, you’re adding fuel to the forbidden fire of lust in a guy’s mind that he’s trying so hard to put out.

As men of God — and brothers in Christ — we Christian guys are commanded to respect you and to be pure with our thoughts, eyes and actions. But it would help us so much if you, as our sisters, would really think about how the way you dress influences us.

Jeremy
McAllen, Texas

Hi, Jeremy!
We don’t know how you sneaked into Brioland, but we’re glad you did! Thanks for your openness and honesty about the temptations guys face when girls wear things too short, too tight or too low.