Susie, do I belong there? I definitely didn’t set a Christlike example by what I did, so how do I have a right to be there? I’m a Christian, and I’ve asked for forgiveness, but what’s next?

Sorry
From our e-mail bag

Dear Sorry:
Good news! Your being part of the body of Christ has nothing to do with how you feel. Yes, you belong. And I can almost guarantee the “godly” people in your youth group struggle, too.

We all need the church! Try to think of the church as a hospital for sick people. We’re all struggling with something. It may be a bad attitude, or it may be sexual intimacy outside of marriage. But your heavenly Father wants you in His house (the church) to encourage you, help you grow spiritually, heal your hurt and help you get beyond your failures.

You may want to seek Christian counseling to get beyond your past, but please know that God has already forgiven you! If He has forgiven you, you can forgive yourself. Try memorizing this verse: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Dear Susie:
I live in the Kingdom of Tonga, in the South Pacific. Our culture is a bit different. My boyfriend and I just found out that he was betrothed at birth and when he turns 18 this year, he’ll be getting married. This kind of thing doesn’t happen very much; there are arranged marriages but not usually set at birth.

I love my boyfriend and want to support him, but I don’t know how I can when he’s engaged to another girl. I need advice on what I should do. I don’t want to go against the Bible.

Lovesick
Tonga

Dear Lovesick:
I admire you for wanting to do the right thing. To answer your letter, I sought advice from a former Focus on the Family New Zealand board member who’s from Tonga. She tells me that there’s nothing legally binding this arrangement, and betrothal at birth is definitely not a typical Tongan cultural practice.

While there are some arranged marriages, they tend to occur among the royal family, but even then the princes and princesses can still choose not to go along with parents’ wishes for arranged marriages. The majority of Tongans choose their spouses with the approval of their parents.

Would your boyfriend’s parents be willing to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him so he could share his true feelings for you? If they knew the two of you were in love, would they be inclined to forgo the arrangement?

In the Tongan family rank, the father is head of the home, but the father’s sister has higher rank than him. She holds the place of honor while the father (her brother) has the authority. So it may be helpful for you and your boyfriend to get another adult family member (sister of father or sister/brother of mother) to make an appeal on his behalf.

If he truly has to marry someone else, you have to let him go. But I’m hoping he and his parents can come to another agreement that will allow him free choice.

If he has to marry the other girl, draw comfort from the fact that you can trust God. You really, really can! He knows the depth of your hurt, and He can certainly fill the void. Please keep in touch with us and let us know what happens. We care about your heart.

Dear Susie:
I met you at a Girls of Grace conference two years ago. I’d like to grab some of my friends and go to another one. Do you have info on when and where they’ll take place? Because I’ve been once, will everything just seem like a repeat?

Curious
Bryan, Texas

Dear Curious:
I have great news for you! Point of Grace is announcing a full fall schedule for their Girls of Grace (GOG) events. And no, you won’t be getting the same thing at all! Everything’s new. GOG is still a spectacular, dynamic, fun-filled, spiritual-growth event, but you’ll hear new messages, music, etc.

Grab some gal pals and try to make it to a GOG event this fall. Be sure to stop by the Brio booth so we can give you a big ol’ hug! I’ll list the cities and dates of the events, but please go to www.girlsofgrace.com for specific information on where the events will be held in each city.

Sept. 23-24 Griffin, Ga.
Sept. 30-Oct. 1 Ft. Wayne, Ind.
Oct. 7-8 Wichita, Kan.
Oct. 21-22 Birmingham, Ala.
Oct. 28-29 Louisville, Ky.
Nov. 4-5 Dallas