After only a couple minutes in the presence of 26-year-old singer/songwriter Jennifer Knapp, it’s easy to tell this girl doesn’t hold much back. Whether she’s performing before an audience of thousands or taking an occasional sip of root beer during lunch and an interview with Brio, Jennifer shares the details of her life as if it’s an open book, hoping her words will encourage others.

“There was a time when I wasn’t very nice,” Jennifer says without hesitation. “When I was a teenager, I was pretty angry and bitter. I liked to party, so I drank a lot, I smoked several packs of cigarettes a day at my worst, and I fell in the area of sexual purity. When I started college at the age of 18, I was at the bottom of my low.

“In the midst of this behavior during my freshman year, there was a girl living across the hall from me who simply loved me day after day with the love of Christ. I thought she was geeky for being a Christian, but time and time again, she’d put me to bed when I’d come home and not know which room was mine because I was so drunk.”

It was the demonstration of love and mercy without judgment, plus countless prayers, of this friend and others like her that eventually softened Jennifer’s heart toward Christ. “There were close to 30 people praying for me to come to Christ, and a few who were witnessing to me pretty hard-core,” she says. “I was the girl on campus that you’d look at and think, There’s no way this gal’s coming to Christ, but I guess God proved His point.”

After three months of wrestling with God, Jennifer gave herself to Christ completely. “I thought I needed to clean up my life because the Christians I knew were definitely not like me,” she says. “But once I realized the truth of Christ — that He died for my sins, loved me immeasurably and wanted to change my life for me — I surrendered, and God transformed me in a drastic way.”

The harsh realities from her childhood and teen years combine with the hope she’s found in Christ to make Jennifer the powerful lyricist, musician and person she is today. Keep reading, as the conversation with Jennifer continues, to learn more real-life experiences that have contributed to her deep relationships with God, her family and her music.

Brio: Once you decided to follow Christ, did you quit the excessive drinking and smoking cold turkey, or was there a slow progression of change?
For the most part, there was a huge cutoff. The drinking was hurting me physically, so I cut down a lot, but every once in a while I’d stumble. On one hand, it really hurt when I’d mess up because I thought there was no way God was gonna believe that I loved Him. On the other, those were the times I experienced God’s grace in the most basic and honest ways.

The smoking was harder for me to quit because it was something I did all day long. It was a habit, just like chewing my nails. It was also difficult because it was convenient for me to do any place and any time.

For me to have the relationship with God that I’m supposed to have, it takes total surrender and honesty, saying “I’m really struggling with this sin, Father.” A lot of the songs I’ve written echo this.

Is there a Bible verse or passage that’s been meaningful to you in your Christian life?
I like to read what I call my testimony Scripture. I’ve been reading it about once a month just for fun, kind of as worship of what God’s done for me. The account in Luke 7:36-50 is the story of the sinful woman who comes up to Christ. She falls at His feet and all the people are going, “Jesus, why are you letting this gal touch you? She’s the town prostitute and everybody knows it.”

At the time God showed me that Scripture, some people in my life were saying, “There’s not enough grace for you. Just look at you! Why would Jesus love you?” When I read those verses, I was, and still am, reminded of the cost and extent to which Christ will go for me.

In that passage, Jesus goes on to say, the one who’s been forgiven much, loves much. I try to remember that because sometimes after years of being a Christian, it’s difficult to remember what I used to be like. I forget the honor that it is to be showered in God’s grace in such a magnificent way.

How did you get started in with music?
I went to college on a music scholarship for trumpet, but I pretty much put that down for the guitar. Since I can read music, I got a book and learned chords and kinda hammered things out. I really got a lot better by playing in a praise and worship band at church. Just getting to practice moving chords around helped me advance a lot.

When did you start writing your own music?
I would tink around in my dorm room and write stuff, but I wasn’t too serious. When I was going home for the summer after my freshman year of college, the gal who led me to Christ said, “Why don’t you write a song about what God’s doing in your life?”

I thought, That’s an interesting idea, and it ended up happening. I started sharing my songs with friends at school the next year and things kinda exploded. I played at meetings for Fellowship of Christian Athletes and at various churches.

I’d never done any recording and ended up making a five-song demo cassette with a black-and-white cardboard jacket. I gave it to people and sold it at concerts. That ended up being one of the best business cards I ever had. I probably did 80 concerts in one year, on top of being a full-time student and having a full-time job.

How did Gotee Records hear about you?
It was through a concert I was doing in Michigan. Toby — of dcTalk — was rehearsing for their Jesus Freak tour, and he happened to be friends with a guy who knew me. They were talking and the guy said, “I know this girl with just a guitar. People actually sit and listen to her for an hour.”

Toby was interested enough to call me. I was in the middle of recording my first full-length independent project, so I sent that to him. We probably talked for close to a year-and-a-half before actually inking a deal.

Tell us about your relationship with your parents.
Oh, that’s big! Things are kinda extreme with both my parents. I didn’t grow up with my mom at all. I lived with my dad and his wife for 13 years — it was dysfunctional.

Sometimes as a kid we kinda wait for our parents to make the first move in reconciliation because they’re the leaders in our lives. I kept waiting for my mom to do this, but that’s not what God was telling me to do.

I had to forgive all the wrongs and lay them down. I also had to ask for forgiveness and never expect to be forgiven. I had to face my mother with a new perspective. I prayed that God would give me a vision and a way to love her.

My mom’s not a Christian, so that’s been another obstacle to get through. Rather than forcing the issue and saying, “You have to be saved,” I had to approach her with grace. My mom knows the gospel; she’s seen me live it. I have to trust God that someday she’ll be praying the prayer she needs to pray.

Probably one of the coolest, most satisfying things that’s happened to me in the last seven years is being able to reconcile that relationship with my mom. It took a lot of God’s grace and a lot of me moving forward despite my fears.

What about your dad?
My dad just doesn’t communicate with my twin sister and me very much. I’ve written letters to him because I can’t get through if I call. Stuff like that’s really weird.

The town he lives in is small, so when I go there I pray and hope that I’ll be able to see him somewhere. One day he showed up at my grandma’s house and I wanted to kick him in the shins because I was so mad at him. But instead, God helped me to walk over to him, give him a hug and say, “I love you.” He just nodded his head. That taught me love doesn’t have to come with a huge bouquet of flowers. Small efforts are important, too.

Are you and your sister identical twins?
Nah.

So you two don’t have one of those great connections where you can tell what the other’s thinking?
Well, when we lived together we really were able to because we hung out together all the time. We kinda knew each other’s next move. But now she’s married and going to college. The fact that I’m a Christian has drastically defined the differences between us. There’s a pretty big gap. It’s hard to have an evangelistic relationship with a sibling.

It’s kinda getting to the point where I have to stay my ground and love every time I’m around her. I’m mean-spirited sometimes just as much as she is, but I have to shut my mouth and leave or love her in a silent way.

I remember when we were kids, she had an Amy Grant album. She really listened to the lyrics. I asked her why she was listening to it and she was really quiet and wouldn’t tell me. I’m praying for an opportunity to remind her of those little things — like how she once liked listening to Christian music.

Have you told your family you’re a Christian?
You know, the only significant thing I can remember is going home for Christmas break during college, with my sister, mom and me hanging out at my grandma’s house for a couple weeks. One afternoon I felt as if I needed to read my Bible and pray, which was a really foreign thing to have happen. So, I was really secretive about it. As soon as I stepped out of the room when I was done, my grandma asked what I had been doing. My answer came instantly, and I said, “I was reading my Bible.” My grandma then said, “Why do you wanna do a thing like that?” I said, “I guess because I’m Christian.” I knew I was a believer, I just didn’t know how to say it, and that’s the way it came it out.

That was probably the boldest thing I’d ever said face-to-face to them about the significant things I was doing as a new believer in Christ. To be confronted like that within the first baby-step months of my faith mortified me. I was pretty quiet for the rest of the time that I was there.

At first, my family wanted to know why I was going to church every Sunday. They’d say things like, “You think that’s gonna make you more holy?” All of a sudden they thought I had become a judgmental person.

Over time, I’ve become more comfortable with who I am. I’m able to talk openly with my family and tell them about the things God’s doing with me, just as it’s easy for them to swear in front of me or drink a six-pack of beer. They’ve never had a Christian in their life like me. To them, I’m one step shy of being a minister or a pastor. It’s adventurous to say the least.

What are you enjoying most about your life right now?
It’s been very interesting to go so many places. Before I was 18, I never traveled out of Kansas. Now in any given month we can be in six to 15 states.

On the spiritual side, I’m really glad that I can sit and look back at what God’s accomplished in the last seven years. Before I was a believer, I never had the security or confidence that I do now. I think it’s so funny that I get to do what I do because I think I’m a big nerd. I’m totally not a superstar kinda person. But to be confident that what I’m doing is what God has created and wants out of me, and to be able to give a little bit of that back in worship and honor of Him is extremely wonderful.

You’ve got an audience of about 180,000 teen girls right now. Anything else you’d like to mention?
The main things God has used to solidify our relationship are things I can touch and see and involve myself in, such as reading the Bible and memorizing it. The way God works and the way He specifically speaks to me through His Word have been invaluable.

It’s really bizarre to think I’m gonna read the same book every day for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t do that with just any book — okay maybe a Calvin and Hobbes book — but there’s no other book with which I really have an opportunity to continually seek God.

Without the Bible as a foundation, I wouldn’t know where to begin my relationship with God. He’s given me something to read and touch and hold with my hands.

If Brio readers really want to know what God’s thinking, they’ve gotta read His book. Okay, I think I’ve talked enough. I’ve already taken up both sides of your tape!

Christmas with Jennifer
What’s your favorite Christmas tradition?
Well, I’m the same age as my cousin, so it used to be that we’d get the card table every year at Christmas dinner. Well, you know how you stuff celery with cheese? We would have that and I would always put it on my nose. I know that’s really dorky, but that’s something I did every year. Now we’ve graduated to the oak table instead of the card table.

Really, I’m not very traditional. I like the Christmas trees and lights in the house, but I hate having to put them up and take them down, so if anyone reading this wants to come decorate my house, that would be great.

Do you still do the celery thing?
Every once in a while. If my cousins are around they talk me into it, even though I’m a grown adult.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
My trumpet. It was a really expensive trumpet. I knew I was going to go on to college to play, but I also knew this trumpet was so expensive that my parents would never buy it. But by mid-December of my freshman or sophomore year, they started to get some trumpets for me to try out. By Christmas they bought me a new horn. That was pretty cool for me.

Do you get together with your family for Christmas?
Yeah. Since I grew up in a divided household, I try to split up Christmas Day between my mom’s side of the family and my dad’s. We hang out and eat a lot and watch football. That’s about it.

What encouraging words do you have for Brio readers who have to split Christmas between their parents?
Now that I’m older, I kind of sit back and watch everybody and find reasons to love them. As one of the few Christians in my family, Christmas has an entirely different meaning to me than to the others. I take the opportunity of being with them to show love beyond just giving a gift, beyond just trying to be there at the right time of the year. It’s definitely a conscious decision in my heart to try to love them a bit more. Even though it’s tough to go back and forth between parents, it helps to have a right perspective and to do your best to demonstrate the love of Christ.

What’s your favorite part of Christmas?
The food. I really like food. Both my grandmothers are wonderful cooks. If I can talk her into it, my grandmother on my mom’s side will make a pecan pie for me every year. She always burns it — and I love it! I’ve come to love my pecan pie burnt.

The fellowship means a lot, too. Everyone just kind of drops their guard at the table. I like that.

I also like waiting for the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special on TV — you know, with Yukon Jack and the Abominable Snowman. I love that show because I can remember watching it as a kid, lying on our shag, flaming red carpet and our leather couch with the cracks in it. I sat on that couch with great anticipation every year, waiting for the show to start. It makes me a little nostalgic.

Jennifer would love to hear from Brio readers! Drop her a line at Jennifer Knapp, Gotee Records, 1746 Gen. George Patton Dr. #105, Brentwood, TN 37069.