It’s easy to think that a two-time Dove award winner and on-fire woman like Jennifer must have a constant connection with God. Her walk must be a continuous mountaintop experience.

But assumptions aren’t reality. In talking with Jennifer, it turns out that fame and talent don’t make the Christian walk any easier than it is for anyone else.

“It’s not always fantastic,” she shares honestly. “You get hot and cold sometimes. And, for me, that’s been one of the hardest things to get over — the guilt of that. ‘What’s wrong with me if I don’t want to talk to God today?’ ‘What’s wrong with me if I don’t really know what to pray today?’ ‘What’s wrong with me if I’m at church on Sunday morning and I’m not crying and raising my hands in the air?’ ”

Let’s Be Honest
Can you identify? Maybe you’ve been following Christ for a while now and the thrill of your relationship with Him has lost its initial spark. Remember those days of excitement and wonder?

“So many young people fall in love with Christ on the good side of it,” Jennifer says. “You get that instant rush. You’ve found something you believe in. You finally have Someone who loves you. But when that adrenaline rush comes down, and you have to deal with the fact that you are still the same person when you look in the mirror, how do you deal with that?”

Maybe you feel like a “bad” Christian for being so off and on, up and down in your faith. Perhaps you’re discouraged that you’re not always excited to read the Bible, pray or go to church. This just isn’t what you expected when you first accepted Jesus.

“But it’s okay for us to be honest with Him about our condition,” Jennifer says. “Because, one, He knows it anyway. And, two, there’s freedom that comes with admitting our feelings.

“It’s not that I’m immoral. It’s not that I don’t believe in Jesus anymore. It’s just that I had to realize I was a human being. Because of our sinful nature, humans don’t want to be in fellowship with God. And it’s okay to be able to talk about that and be honest. That’s something that nobody ever told me.”

The Reality of “Seasons”
So you feel alienated from your Christian friends who seem to live the picture-perfect Christian life? You feel guilty for feeling distant from the Lord? Don’t. We’re all human. And valleys and plateaus are as much a part of the journey as the peaks are.

“Even when I don’t feel like reading the Word, even when I don’t feel like praying, there are moments when all I can say is, ‘God? I don’t really feel like talking to you right now,’ ” Jennifer says.

“That kind of honesty may not be the cornerstone of how you tell others to live out their faith. But I’m just saying that it’s okay to have those dull moments. It’s okay to wait for the sun to come up again. It’s okay for you to not know all the answers. It’s okay for you to talk about that; hopefully you can find somebody who’s safe to talk with about those kinds of things.”

Holding your struggle inside doesn’t help you, nor does it benefit anyone else. “That’s why finding a quality friend who knows Christ is important,” Jennifer says. “Having really good fellowship with other women in my life has been key. Anywhere from an older mentor to peers, we must seek women we know we can have conversations with and say difficult things.

“That’s really hard to find,” she admits. “I mean, I’ve had seasons of close Christian friends in my life, and I’ve had seasons where I’ve had nobody but God.”

And there are times when loneliness can make us feel we have neither! Satan tries to tempt Christians into believing that “dry” periods with God are shameful, show weakness and must not be shared. That’s a lie. If you choose to be open and vulnerable — especially Christians — you offer a welcome breath of fresh air. No one’s walk is perfect. Others who haven’t admitted their struggles will find encouragement and freedom in your honesty.

Becoming Vulnerable
“For me,” Jennifer says, “the biggest challenge is to just be willing to open up the door to let people in — to be able to have a few particular people in your life who are able to ask you literally any question. Some of the most amazing moments of understanding come when I am able to process things with somebody else.”

So when you hit times of drought — and you will — do not despair. Whether you feel it or not, God is with you always (Matthew 28:20).

“Even when His discipline is the hardest and most brutal,” Jennifer says, “I have never not felt His love. When I say, ‘I don’t understand’ or ‘I don’t want to be here today,’ I’ve never felt anything contrary to what He said in His Word.

“When I think that I’m at my worst and that He couldn’t love me, He still commits to me. He stands at the door and knocks and waits. Sometimes all I can do is put my ear up against the door. But He waits. And He doesn’t leave.”

The Knappsack
Jennifer Knapp carries with her a bundle of wisdom. Here, she speaks on . . .

Quiet Times
“Sometimes I just go for a drive, or I sit out and watch the stars and listen to it rain. Other times, I’m on a plane and I’m tucked over by the window. I’ve had really amazing moments there. It usually involves my journal, a pen and a Bible. My own little world. It doesn’t have to be very big.”

Reaching Nonbelievers for Christ
“Just relax. Enjoy who you are, be comfortable with what you believe and if you don’t understand something, be willing to say that. People want you to be real. Christianity has survived for a long time with humans being the source of tangible evidence, and it’s not gonna stop with you.”

Her Mom
(Remember: Mother’s Day Is This Month!)
“We’re becoming amazing friends. I didn’t grow up with her, so it’s kind of different. That’s one of the cool things about adulthood — my mom actually sees me as an adult and, in a cool mom way, she forces me to be an adult.

“I used to selfishly think of the things my mom has done wrong. I’d harbor them against her. But to slowly put away the childish thinking of, ‘Oh, I wish my mom had done this,’ and ‘I wish she’d done that’ is amazing. Parents aren’t perfect.

“And now when I call her, she just lights up on the phone! The first minute I walk in the room, she explodes. Her face just lights up. She never takes me for granted and that’s because she knows that I love her. It’s been hard-fought ground, she’ll tell you that.

“Parents want to know whether or not you love them. In the long run, they’re just like you. It took me a long time to realize I can’t have the attitude of, ‘Hey! You’re supposed to give me this!’

“Instead, I started walking into the room and started giving. And I began seeing my mom as a person rather than someone who was meant to serve me.

“I started that almost 10 years ago when I was 18. Since then, I’ve continued to give. And it’s coming back around. It’s gotten to the point that I never care what happens when I come in the door except that she knows I love her.”