“Why didn’t you answer my prayer?” she called out to God as she raced to her car. “Why did you let my mother die?”

Church services were worse. All her mother’s favorite carols troubled her mind. Her mom should be singing in that choir or delighting the congregation with her rendition of “O Holy Night.”

Last year, while her mom sang, Natalie sat with her dad and her younger brother, Jake, for the candlelight service. This year her dad refused to go, and Jake stayed with him, and before the choir finished their songs, Natalie stood and dashed down the aisle to her car, where she sat behind the wheel until she controlled her tears enough to drive.

More and more she pulled away from people. She refrained from conversation, since none of it helped.

Having Regrets
Today at school had been the annual Christmas play, ending with “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” Now, in the background, Crystal stopped calling as Natalie reached her car.

Even starting her dark-blue Accord reminded Natalie of her mother. It had been her mom’s idea to get her a car for her 17th birthday so she could drive Jake and herself to and from school. It had been her mom’s idea to look at the Hondas in the first place.

Natalie cringed as she remembered the harsh words to her mother two months ago. That had been the day her dad had driven her mom to get the latest report on her CAT scan. Natalie had been upset, because she had to stay with Jake when she wanted to go shopping with Crystal.

“I always have to stay with Jake!” she had yelled. “It isn’t fair. I want to have a life, too.”

How she wished she could take back those words. She would remember the downcast look on her mother’s face that day for as long as she lived.

Two days after that, her mother took her aside and explained that the cancer had spread into her brain. She didn’t have long to live. Twenty-two days later, she was gone.

Now Natalie drove to the cemetery, as was her custom each day after school. She sat on a bench near her mother’s grave and prayed and talked, feeling sure her mother looked down on her from heaven. The wind chime played a lullaby. It was the only place Natalie felt some peace.

“Lord, why did you have to take my mother? I loved her so much,” Natalie asked again, as she did daily without answer.

She noticed a young woman nearby. Natalie watched her as she had on other days, bringing flowers and standing over a grave in the next section known as Baby Land. Now the woman put down a Christmas tree and carefully decorated around the stone. She pulled grass and stuck wire pins into the ground to hold a garland around the tombstone. She bowed her head as if to pray. After that, the woman climbed into her car and left.

The sun crawled closer to the ground in the west, shooting streaks of pink, orange and purple in its wake. Natalie remained on the bench longer than she realized. Her father would be home, wanting dinner.

Still Grieving
At home her dad was heating cans of soup. His scathing look told his daughter he was unhappy with her late arrival. She quickly set the table and put out crackers and cheese to go with the soup. Tears rolled down Jake’s cheeks as he sat at the table staring at his bowl.Dad ignored him, but Natalie put her arms around her little brother’s shoulders.

“It will be OK,” she lied. It would never be OK again.

Their dad ate his soup in silence, then went to his study. He often brought work home now, shutting himself away for hours.

Her mother would have interrupted her husband, chiding him that this was family time, and he should stop and play a game with Jake or help Natalie with homework. Now he seemed unable to face family life without his wife.

Natalie finished the dishes and went to her room.

Jake poked his head in 30 minutes later. “Can you help me? I don’t understand my math, and I hate to disturb Dad.”

“Sure,” she responded.

“Why does Dad ignore us, Nat?” Jake walked with his head down, as he often did these days.

“I guess it’s hard since he misses Mom.” Natalie stood.

“I miss her, too.” Jake’s tears started again.

“I know,” Natalie said. “I do, too.” She hugged her brother, then walked him into his bedroom.

“Why did Jesus take Mom away?” Jake asked for the one hundredth time.

“It’s one of those things we can’t understand, Jake.” The statement sounded as trite as when others said it to her.

“There has got to be a reason,” Jake asserted. “Maybe I should go to Sunday school, even if Dad doesn’t, to see if my teacher can explain.”

“Talk to Jesus yourself, Jake. That’s what I do. Maybe you would like to go to the cemetery with me tomorrow.”

Strange, she had never thought of inviting her brother to go with her before.

“Yes, I would. Will you take me? Please?”

Jake’s eagerness made Natalie understand how she had neglected her brother the way her dad neglected them both. That night for the first time since her mother died, she knelt beside her bed and prayed for Jake, and then she also prayed for their dad. Enjoying her prayer more than she had in a long time, she prayed also for the young woman who came to the cemetery every day and visited Baby Land.

Good Cheer
Next day at school was no better. All her friends talked about their Christmas plans. They were shopping, helping their moms cook or wrapping gifts. Natalie tried to close her ears. No Christmas blessings for her family.

“Why did you run off so fast yesterday?” Crystal asked as she walked down the hall with her friend. “I yelled and yelled.”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t stand the singing.” Natalie looked over at the girl who had been her best friend since sixth grade. “I had to get away.” She hoped she understood.

“You’ve got to go Christmas shopping with me and my mom this Saturday. Please, please.”

Crystal stopped at the classroom where she had math.

“I can’t. There won’t be any shopping for me this year.” She paused then moved on. “See you later.”

Once again Natalie rushed off. She knew Crystal meant well and sometimes got her feelings hurt, but she couldn’t help it. Why wouldn’t Crystal leave her alone?

“Natalie,” she heard Crystal calling behind her. This time she turned around.

“I’m sorry,” Crystal said, a tear crawling down her cheek. “I don’t know what to say. I just want to cheer you up. I’m praying for you, and you’re my friend. I wanted you to know that.”

She turned into her class.

“Thank you,” Natalie murmured. She knew many were praying. When would it help?

New Friends
Before driving to the cemetery this time, she dropped by the house for Jake. She had wondered if he would remember but knew instantly when he came bounding down the walk to her car. They stopped at a florist to get a Christmas wreath.

Natalie arranged it at the top of the temporary stone. The permanent one wouldn’t be in for two more weeks.

She looked around after setting up the wreath. Where was Jake? Then, she noticed him in Baby Land, talking with the woman there, and she followed him.

“Hi,” Natalie said to the woman she had seen many times but had never spoken to before.

“Hello. I’ve seen you here before.” Tears stained the woman’s face as she stood.

“Yes. I’ve seen you here, too.” Natalie almost whispered as she examined the words on the stone at the woman’s feet.

The woman followed Natalie’s gaze. “I lost my only child two months ago.”

“Jake and I lost our mother over a month ago,” Natalie said, continuing to look down.

“That sure is a neat catcher’s mitt,” Jake said, noticing what the young woman was holding.

“My husband had bought it for Bobby. That was my son’s name.” She looked down at the grave again. “He’ll never grow up and use it now.”

The three stood silent, lost in their own personal grief.

The young woman snapped out of her thoughts, turned and introduced herself as Paige Huston. “Would you like the mitt, Jake?” She held it toward him.

Jake reached for the mitt. “I shouldn’t.” He dropped his hand. “I mean—would your husband mind?” He looked up at their new friend.

Paige smiled. “No, I think he would like to see it used.”

“Do you have lots of family around here?” Natalie didn’t know why she asked that. It just came out.

“No, just Bob and me. That’s my husband. We were planning to have a Christmas tree for Bobby but not now.” She knelt and straightened a ball on the little tree. “This is Bobby’s tree.” She gulped back her tears once more.

Natalie swallowed her own tears. “I’ll ask my father if you could come for Christmas dinner with us. We’ll be lonely.”

“We need a mother around,” Jake said. Natalie noticed his words brought a fresh bout of tears to Paige. She hoped they were the good kind of tears.

New Blessings
That night, they approached their father about having Paige and Bob for a Christmas dinner. At first he balked, as Natalie had expected. Later he left his work and came to Natalie’s room.

He stood at the door. “Maybe inviting that young couple would be a good idea. My company will give me a turkey. Maybe we should share. That’s what your mom would have said.”

Tears streamed down his face for the first time since the funeral.

He turned and walked out. Natalie slid to her knees.

“Thank you that prayers are beginning to be answered for us, Lord.” Once again she prayed for Jake and her dad and for Paige and Bob.

Four days later, as the five of them bowed heads together over the turkey dinner Paige and Natalie had prepared, Natalie felt her load lighten just a little.

Bob and Jake enticed her father out for a game of catch. Paige’s eyes misted, as did Natalie’s.

That evening the five of them attended a special candlelight service at the Hustons’ church. As they sat together and listened to the carols, Natalie stole a glance at her father. He winked and patted her shoulder. Bob and Paige held hands. Natalie clasped Jake’s hand. God’s presence filled the pew despite the pain.

“Thank you for new Christmas blessings, Lord,” she whispered.