Have you ever felt that way? The guy you like isn’t paying you any attention, so you wear something that you think might catch his eye? Do you crave attention, not knowing any other way to get it except by your appearance and the constant need to be noticed? What happens when you don’t get the attention you want? Or you do, and it didn’t fulfill you as you thought it would.

Sometimes you feel so insecure you just want to scream, “Is anyone looking at me? Please, tell me I’m beautiful!” But most of the time it feels as though the question falls on deaf ears.

Let’s take a look at what we can do to safeguard against dressing for attention, get answers for those questions and gain an inner security that others will notice.

Help a Brother Out
Ladies, the biggest thing guys struggle with is controlling where their eyes go. It’s just the way God wired them. While we respond to kind words and a gentle touch, guys respond to what they see.

When you walk into a room wearing a shirt that’s a bit too low, your jeans are a tad tight or your stomach shows when you raise your arms, are you helping the guys who see you, or are you harming them? I’m going to guess it’s harming, but don’t take my word for it. Listen to the comments of these three guys.

“When I see a girl who’s wearing revealing clothes, I can tell that she doesn’t have very much self-respect, and I wish someone would go up and tell her that she’s worth more than that.”—Josiah, 17

“I feel like the girls who dress immodestly desire attention that they might not have gotten from their parents. I think they just want to be noticed, and it’s hard for guys not to notice them. It just comes down to girls helping a brother out.”—Joseph, 18

“I think that the girl who dresses modestly is choosing to wear her character on her sleeve instead of her sexuality. It’s what she’s showing first.”—Scott, 18

Maybe our clothes do affect more people than just us.

Attraction Action
Did you know that you can attract certain guys with the clothes you wear? It’s true! Look around your school or even your youth group. Usually, the girl whose modesty is lacking is surrounded by guys who treat her with disrespect. Ever wonder why? Well, whether we know it or not, we’re sending messages with the clothes we wear.

A low-cut shirt says, “Hey, look at my body!” and attracts a guy who does just that. But a modest outfit says, “I’m saving something special.” And believe me, the guys who are serious about guarding their purity (yes, they are out there) will notice your modesty. It gives you depth and mystery, and they’ll see your character rather than your body.

Now, am I saying you have to walk around school wearing a trash bag? No! There are plenty of stylish clothes out there that give you cover without squelching your fashion.

Dress Check
If you truly want to help a brother out and protect his purity as well as your own, then adopt the “dress check” system. Once you’ve chosen what to wear, stand in front of the mirror and honestly ask yourself, “Does this neckline come too low?” “Are my jeans too tight?” “Am I drawing attention to my body with the clothes I wear?” If you need to change your shirt or wear something different, do it!

I know, some of you are saying, “I can wear what I want. It’s a free country!” But if we’re serious about guarding our purity and the purity of the guys around us, we’ll take this Bible verse to heart. “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak” (1 Corinthians 8:9).

You know the best part about using the dress check? It’s what guys will see when you choose to cover up. When you walk into a room wearing a flattering shirt that conceals your top, he’ll see your smile. Instead of your midriff showing, your sparkling eyes will catch his glimpse. And you know the thoughts going through his head? Wow, there’s something special about her. She’s not looking for attention, but she’s caught mine. Isn’t that the girl you want to be? And isn’t that the kind of guy you want to attract? I know I do!

“But,” you say, “what if I don’t catch his attention, or he doesn’t notice me?”

You’re right. He may not. But if we’ve found our security in the Lord, it won’t matter if he does or he doesn’t. And we won’t need to dress thinking that we can make him. We can put our trust in God who, in the right time, will bring us the prince we desire. And if our trust is strong, we’ll leave the what-ifs behind.

The Unanswered Questions
One of the main reasons we may wear a revealing shirt or act in ways to gain attention can be summed up in one word: insecurity. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that little voice inside your head that says, Do you notice me? Am I pretty? Will you love me?

You’ve heard those doubts in your own head, haven’t you? The problem is, through our actions and appearance, we’re directing those unspoken questions to our peers, whose responses may disappoint us. Instead, we need to direct those questions to God who after hearing you ask, responds with a resounding, “Yes!”

And God’s response is enough. We need to change our thinking (and the kinds of clothes we wear) from “Look at me!” to “Look at God in me!” And with changed thinking comes changed actions. That’s where our security should come from.

Let’s be the girls who hold that kind of mystery behind our eyes. The mystery of security that shows itself in our actions and in the clothes we wear.

The Lord’s pleased when you protect yourself and the guys around you by dressing modestly. The blessings He gives you will far outweigh the freedoms you’re giving up. You’ll be amazed at the confidence you’ll gain by directing your unanswered questions to the Lord. And the mystery you hold will attract the right attention. The attention that points to God.

She feels beautiful when she looks in the mirror. A confidence rises in her chest, and she nods her head at the feeling. She knows how much God loves her, and that’s enough to hold her head high. The clothes she wears give her confidence. She knows she’s saving the details of her heart for someone special. The security she’s gained from the Lord helps her act in ways that bring Him glory. “Am I beautiful?” She smiles when she hears the whispered answer in her heart. “Yes, My child.”