From a spiritual standpoint, many of us find ourselves cleaning up messes we’ve created with gossip, slander and partial truths, while continuing to allow the “faucet” to flow. Anytime we continue in the same behavior and expect a different result, we walk in defeat.

Gossip isn’t just spreading lies about someone; it also includes telling partial truths or even sharing something you’ve been asked not to share. How do you know if gossip is a real problem for you? Discover the answer by completing the following quiz.

1. When your pastor preaches on gossip or slander, you
a. hide under the pew.
b. recognize the point, repent for past gossip and work toward stopping the gossip habit.
c. breath easy; it’s not a problem.

2. Have you befriended someone just to get juicy information to share with others?
a. Yes, I love to network!
b. On rare occasions I have.
c. No, my friendships are more important to me than that.

3. Do you have a reputation for being a gossip?
a. I’m one of the three fastest forms of communication: telephone, telegraph or tell me.
b. I’ve been known to share secrets before, but I’ve changed.
c. I’m the last person who’d be considered a gossip.

4. Have you ever betrayed the loyalty of a friend to share a secret?
a. She knows I can’t keep a secret, so why would she tell me unless she really wanted me to share it with others?
b. Yes, but I learned my lesson.
c. No. A secret is sacred between friends.

5. Do you know the secret details about most classmates or peers in your neighborhood?
a. You’d be surprised at what I know!
b. Sometimes I accidentally overhear conversations.
c. Secret details? Sounds like a soap opera, and I’m not interested.

6. Are you eager to meet with friends at school who usually know the latest gossip?
a. Absolutely! My life would be boring without it.
b. Sometimes, when I don’t have anything else to talk about.
c. No, I’ve got enough in my own life to deal with.

7. Your best friend shares a rumor about someone at school. You
a. listen carefully then proceed to share the information with others.
b. listen but decide not to share with others unless they ask.
c. interrupt her and explain that you’re not interested in hearing gossip.

8. If your school had an award for being the biggest gossip, would you win?
a. Yep! Hands down!
b. I would’ve received second or third in the past.
c. I wouldn’t be considered.

9. Before your first date, would you call mutual friends to get the scoop on who he’s dated in the past and other juicy info?
a. You bet! I want to know every detail.
b. It would be tempting.
c. I wouldn’t want him to do that to me, so I’d wait to get to know him myself.

10. Do you treat people differently based on rumors you’ve heard?
a. Yes! You can never be too cautious.
b. Sometimes. It depends on what I’ve heard.
c. Heard what? I wasn’t even listening.

11. Have you ever found yourself stretching the truth just to make a story better?
a. Adding color to a story makes it more alluring.
b. I’ve been guilty of occasionally stretching the truth.
c. I try to stick to facts when I’m sharing.

12. Have you been confronted by a person you’ve gossiped about?
a. Yes, but she’s just jealous because I know more about her than she does.
b. Once or twice
c. Never

Mostly A’s
Slow down, girl! You definitely have a problem with gossiping. I imagine there is self-created chaos in your life by having to juggle who, what, when, where and why.

Take a moment to examine why you gossip. Does it make you feel important? Needed? Accepted? If you answered yes to any of those reasons, it’s clear that your problem is bigger than gossiping. It has to do with identity. You need to understand that your identity doesn’t come from the power of your tongue but who you are in Christ.

If you recognize gossip as a problem for you (this is the first step toward change), begin by not participating or listening to it. This takes work, patience and time. While you’re working on it, spend time in God’s Word learning about who you are in Christ and who God desires you to be. A mark of spiritual maturity is having control over your tongue.

Mostly B’s
You’ve crossed lines and recognize that falling into the A category could come easy if you’re not careful. In the past you may have dressed up gossip as a petition for prayer.

Remember Matthew 12:36, which says that we’ll be held accountable on Judgment Day for every careless word we’ve spoken. That’s definitely a reality check. You can overcome this with God’s help. Have someone hold you accountable.

Mostly C’s
You have a good handle on staying within the boundaries of friendship. You’re valued by friends and family members who scored mostly A’s or B’s. By your example of shutting down gossip and not participating in it, you could help stop the problem. Be gentle with others who struggle; it takes time to change a habit. Be sure to pray for those who find themselves tempted to gossip.

Overcoming Gossip
1. Close Your Ears
Don’t listen to it. When others talk about someone, excuse yourself. Go to those individuals later and gently ask them not to talk about others while you’re around, or you’ll have to continue to leave.

2. Think Before You Speak
Remember that even joking or teasing can hurt someone and start a wildfire of gossip. When you’re tempted to gossip, flee! The Bible tells us to flee from temptation (2 Timothy 2:22). Always consider the feelings of the person who’s being talked about. How would you feel if others were talking negatively about you?

3. Seek Accountability
Ask a friend or family member for accountability in this area of your life then let them ask you those tough questions. When they confront you about something you’ve said, listen and learn.

4. Find Good Friends
Stay away from friends who promote gossip and slander, because they’ll bring you down to their level. It will be hard, but you can do it with God’s help. Instead, seek people who value friendship and loyalty.

5. Pray
Prayer gives you true strength for overcoming gossip. You’ll fall, and when you do, repent and seek healing from the Lord. He’s there and won’t turn His back on you.