“I had a huge crush on Ricky; he was all I thought about,” says one teen girl. “He seemed interested in me, too. So, when he said he’d call, I stayed home that Saturday and waited. I wasn’t going to miss his call for anything! But the hours dragged by, and the phone didn’t ring. Finally, when I couldn’t stand waiting any longer, I called him. He was nice but seemed eager to get off the phone. I could hear his friends laughing in the background. Ricky was having fun without me. I was devastated.”

Though that young lady was pining away for Ricky, he didn’t seem to be suffering while waiting to see her again.

I witnessed a similar scene when a girl phoned our home wishing to speak with one of our sons. The two were close friends, and I thought he’d be happy to receive her call. He wandered around the kitchen with the cordless, so I heard bits of his conversation. He was kind and polite, but he kept it short. In minutes, he was back in his room where his buddies were hanging out.

So, what’s the deal? Were these guys interested in the girls or not? Here are three more secrets about guys that can help answer that question.

1. Guys’ Lives Don’t Revolve Around Girls
You mean guys don’t think about girls 24/7? Well, yes and no. Guys think about girls — a lot! But even if a guy’s interested in a girl, he’ll still have a blast with his male friends. Guys don’t depend on relationships with girls for their identity or fulfillment. They find these in the things they do, such as sports, accomplishments and jobs, and especially from their male friends. During their teen years, guys place a very high value on the camaraderie of other guys. Which brings up another secret.

2. Guys Like Breathing Room
Guys don’t appreciate it when a girl isolates a friend from them. One young man says, “There’s almost nothing that ticks off guys more than a girl who takes him away from his friends.” He adds that when a guy breaks up with a possessive girl, it can be difficult for him to be accepted in his circle of friends because he “dissed” them for her. As for the girl, the guys “red flag” her; they’ll remember her and keep their distance. A girl with a special interest in a guy would be wise not to occupy all of his time.

There’s an added benefit to “sharing” a guy. Being non-possessive is another one of those mysterious traits that males like! When a girl’s relaxed and enjoying life, it makes her all the more attractive.

3. Guys Are Vulnerable
If it seems like guys are having all the fun (while girls pine away for them), that’s another misunderstanding. It’s a common myth that guys are hard-hearted.

Though most guys don’t think in romantic daydreams, they’re capable of caring deeply. Sensitive emotions can be even more painful for guys than girls to deal with because society doesn’t give guys the freedom to vent intense feelings. As a result, guys don’t express themselves as easily or readily; they keep a lot inside. But emotions are still there!

Guys’ responses to feelings are different from the ways girls handle emotions. (Remember, guys go to great lengths to avoid being teased about a girl.) Instead of crying or confiding in a buddy, a young man is more likely to do something physical, like shooting hoops.

Another coping mechanism for young men is hanging out with friends. Most teen guys know they’re not ready for marriage. They understand that a committed relationship with a girl eventually and naturally leads to either marriage or a broken heart. So, though a young man may care a great deal about a young lady, he protects himself by focusing on other aspects of his life. Instead of feeling hurt by this, girls can be thankful because they’re protected, too.

Learning to understand guys pays off. It helps build genuine friendships (which is the best way for romance to bud!), it definitely eliminates some emotional pain, and it frees you from pining away for them — so you can have fun with your friends!