• Control Issues
• Safety Issues
• Trust Issues
• Differing Expectations
• Relational Issues

Control Issues basically boil down to “Who’s in charge here?” The answer (for as long as you’re living in their house) is Mom and Dad. You’ll gain more independence as you show maturity and responsibility, but it’s always in your best interest to remember that for better or worse, the owner of the house you live in is the one who gets to set the rules.

When it comes to the Safety Issues, overprotective parents can really be a bummer. From the 20th time they warned you not to touch the hot stove, to the lecture about the dangers of underage drinking, you’ve been guarded, safe, protected and hopefully unhurt. Parents can’t protect you from everything and of course worrying about you sort of comes with the job. It’s part of parents’ DNA — when you’re out riding in a car with a boy or some friends, parents will feel anxious. What are you gonna do?

Here are a few things:

• Let them know where you’re going.
• Let them know if plans change.
• Let them know you’re making wise choices about your activities.
• Let them get to know your friends or boyfriend.

Actually, that’s really just one big thing, isn’t it? Let them know. Communicate. Ultimately, it’s going to be better to show them you understand their concern. Once they see that you get it, they may start to ease up a bit. And besides, would you rather have parents who don’t love you and never worry what happens to you?

Sometimes a parent’s worry about your safety can make it seem he or she doesn’t trust you. Other times, you’ve done something to break that trust and it seems as though that single failure affects every decision they make about you. With Trust Issues, there are many things that can damage or sever completely the thin strand of trust between teens and their parents. We’ll talk more about this issue later.

Another common gripe is when parents try to live the lives they missed out on through their children. This is a case of Differing Expectations: parents expecting their kids to be just like them and enjoy the same things they did. Maybe your mom was homecoming queen and now expects you to “continue the legacy.” How in the world are you supposed to deal with that?

First of all, be honest. If you don’t have any interest in being the debutante in the princess parade, you don’t have to feel guilty or endure a miserable experience just to meet your mom’s expectation. Maybe you want to pursue your talent in art or soccer instead.

At the same time, it may be your expectations that need adjusting. If you just don’t like doing homework, your parents have the right to expect you to give your best effort, whether or not you feel like it.

For the early part of your life, your Relationship with your parents had a huge influence over you—what you did, how you dressed, what you believed. As you enter the teen years, that influence naturally lessens as you develop more independence. Whether you (or your parents) like it or not, you will begin paying more attention to other influences — your friends, your teachers, music, movies, etc. — than your parents.

So how do you keep these other things from derailing your relationship with Mom and Dad?

One way is to let the “opposing forces” meet. If Mom and Dad can see the people you’re hanging out with, chances are they will feel more comfortable in loosening up the reins.

This article is excerpted from Bloom: A Girl's Guide to Growing Up.