I wish I had had an older Christian girlfriend when I was
in college. After one bad dating relationship, I went
through a cycle of many boyfriends, trying to find one
who would give me the self-esteem I’d lost. I was
trapped in emotional baggage and sin. If someone had
been there to help me through the first relationship,
maybe that cycle would have stopped.
Now that I’ve graduated from college and am married
with a family, I have a younger Christian girlfriend who
is in college. Sarah baby-sits my kids. When I pick her
up, we share stories about boyfriends, dances and
weird best friends. I tell her about my stupid mistakes
and help her understand her friends. I help her with
questions like, “Does my boyfriend really love me, or is
he trying to manipulate me?” and “This guy’s really
cute, but he has this one issue. . . . Should I date him?”
Sarah made some great decisions during her senior
year, and I’m proud of her.
Many girls want to talk to someone who understands
them, has faced the same decisions and gives godly
advice. Here’s what you can do to find a Christian
girlfriend:
1. Pray
The Bible says, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he
will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).
Giving you the support of an older woman is important
to God. He commands older women to teach younger
women to be godly (Titus 2:3-5). If no one is reaching
out to you, then keep praying for God to send a mentor
to you.
2. Look Around You
Is there a woman in your life who already is a sister in
Christ to you? Maybe it is someone you work with or
live near. Perhaps it’s a youth leader or someone who’s
prayed with you at church. Maybe you don’t have a
relationship with anyone you’d like to have as an older
girlfriend. If that’s the case, you can always develop a
closer friendship with someone you know casually.
3. Take The First Step
Is there a woman in her 20s you’d love to have as a
Christian girlfriend? If she has little kids, you may think
she’s too busy for you. Most of us moms with young
kids want adult conversation. We’re tired of using our
limited kiddie vocabulary all day. Some women are
genuinely too busy, but the majority of us will push less
important things (like housework) aside to make time
for you. We just probably didn’t know you were
interested!
4. Be Honest
All relationships require honesty, but sometimes
honesty makes us feel vulnerable.
What if my new girlfriend thinks I’m stupid or
immature? What if she’s shocked by what I did with my
boyfriend? Fear keeps us from telling the full truth.
We’ve been where you are. We’ve made bad choices,
some of them worse than what you’ve done. We
remember what it was like to be in your shoes, and we
want to help you recover from your bad choices.
5. Spend Time With Your
Girlfriend
Sarah and I go out every month, just the two of us, to
hang out and get something to eat. Even if nothing
important is going on in our lives, we spend time
together because we’re friends. A coffee shop, the mall,
a movie or a restaurant are all places where you might
find Sarah and me. If we didn’t make the time to be
friends, I’d be nothing more than another adult to her.
We’re Not Your Parents
Adult friends are not your parents, and I hope we never
pretend to be. We’re women you can talk to when you
don’t know what to do, when your parents are
unavailable and when you know your friends wouldn’t
understand. We’re here to listen and be a friend. We
know you’re not perfect, but we hope you’ll make wiser
choices than we did.
Sarah and I slipped into our friendship in a way that
only God could have put together. You may have to
search harder than we did to find a Christian girlfriend,
but it’s worth it.
