“Smokey, leave it! Smokey, come!”

After a few minutes the reeds stopped moving, and the marsh fell eerily silent. Finally, an hour and a half later, Smokey panted his way back to the parking lot, breathless and reeking of skunk.

One of Smokey’s most disliked activities is a bath. So now, as a consequence of not having listened, he had to suffer through repeated scrubbings to get rid of the horrific skunk odor. He was also on a weeklong leash “lock down” while his dog buddies got to run free.

Smokey is a smart dog with incredible pack leadership skills. He knows how to be in charge and solve all sorts of disagreements. But sometimes, when other noises and smells are just too tempting, he opts not to listen. This is too bad, because listening probably ranks as the No. 1 communication skill for dogs. The same goes for people.

Paying close attention not only keeps us out of trouble but also makes us better friends, students and daughters. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t any more attentive than Smokey when it comes to listening.

You might be thinking, Well, what’s the big deal here? Anybody can listen. It just takes two ears. Not so! Listening is not like breathing, which we do almost automatically. Instead, effective listening is a learned skill requiring considerable effort.

Listening is a Process
The Chinese language doesn’t have letters. It has characters instead. The verb “to listen” is expressed by four symbols: ear, eyes, undivided attention and heart. That means that we have to hear what people say and how they say it.

It’s important to listen not only to people, but also to God. So many times we talk to God through prayer, but we forget to listen for His answer. Isaiah 6:9 says, “[God] said, ‘Go and tell this people: “Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.” ‘ “

Listening to God with an open heart helps us to know Him more intimately as He reveals truths to us and impresses them upon our hearts. We’ll be able to understand what it is He’s teaching us.

Unfortunately, very few people are good at listening—to God or to others. The psychologist Carl Rogers tells the following story: “I can remember my early grammar school days. A child would ask the teacher a question, and the teacher would give a perfectly good answer to a completely different question. A feeling of pain and distress would always strike me. My reaction was, ‘But you didn’t hear him.’ I felt a sort of childish despair at the lack of communication which was (and is) so common.”

Listening is obviously more complicated than just hearing with clean, open ears. It’s actually a five-part process. Let’s apply it to Smokey in the marsh.

1. We have to be able to hear everything that is being said. Smokey decidedly did. Other than that distant animal screech, there were no noises that interfered with his hearing.

2. We have to really focus our attention. We can’t just fake listening. Well, Smokey didn’t even pretend to listen. His mind was on something much more appealing.

3. If what we’re hearing doesn’t make any sense, we have to speak up in a nice way. Smokey understood the meaning of “leave it” and “come,” but on that day he chose to ignore the familiar commands.

4. The fourth part of the process has to do with keeping any commitments or promises made while listening. For instance, the garbage should be taken out in the time frame agreed to. It shouldn’t hang around the kitchen for another two days.

5. In the end, we have to remember what the conversation was about. Otherwise it looks as if we don’t respect the other person. Let’s see how Smokey does on his next off-leash marsh outing. Let’s hope he remembers to listen!

Two Ears and One Mouth
Good speaking skills are very important—without a doubt. We admire people who are good at presenting ideas. We perceive them to be forceful, powerful and confident. But in any close relationship, listening is actually a much more important communication skill than talking. When a friend is in a jam, it’s important to listen well to offer constructive help.

The Greek philosopher Zeno of Citium considered listening as more important than talking. He said, “We have been given two ears and but a single mouth, in order that we may hear more and talk less.”

Isn’t it great to have a good buddy who patiently listens to your groans of despair or outbursts of excitement? Unfortunately, most of us tend to talk too much about our own issues when we’re trying to help friends and family figure out theirs.

The American philosopher Henry David Thoreau summed up the importance of good listening when he said, “The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought and attended to my answer.”

Will Smokey listen and attend to “come” in the future? We’ll see. Many more skunks, raccoons, opossums and who knows what else live in that marsh!