All I could hear was the sound of the waves curling against the sand outside and seagulls singing as they floated into the clear blue morning.

I had prayed for an epiphany the night before — a sign, maybe stars aligned into a perfect arrow pointing toward my destination. I couldn’t help but feel restless; I was convinced I was missing something. Shouldn’t life’s big decisions be as easy as picking my favorite ice cream flavor?

Circles in the Sand
The day stretched out like beach days do — sunny, sandy and peaceful. No thundering voice gave me an itinerary for my life; rather, a thought came to me. I wanted to tell God that for every ounce of fear and uncertainty there was a tiny speck of a girl brave enough to trust Him with her whole heart, not just pieces of it spared by my own dreams, hurts and heartbreaks.

I took my Bible, journal and iPod, and I found a place in the sand. I spilled my heart onto the pages in my journal — no fancy words, no organization, just honesty and abandon. I wrote until there were no more words. Then I turned up the praise and worship mix.

The only thing louder was the ocean’s thump onto the shore, like a giant heartbeat.

As the sun set, a pink wash of light stretched across the fading sky. One star. One moon. One huge ocean, silver in the evening light. Before I knew it, I was holding up my hands, spinning in circles in the sand on the edge of the ocean, while the occasional warm breeze brushed the hair out of my face. My delight in God felt like pure freedom.

Direction
My only answer, my big epiphany is this: God loves me. He cares about every moment, every detail. Where I go, what I do and how God uses me is tied to my personal relationship with Him. As I enjoy His presence, little by little I figure out what comes next. Sometimes where I’m going isn’t about a destination but what He’s showing me on the way there. My past, my future, even my now is no surprise to Him.

Something about the ocean gives me a charge of praise and excitement. The ocean is so huge, bigger than I can even understand, and every wave and depth fell into place when God spoke it into existence. When I think about me, how small and insignificant I feel, I remember He didn’t just speak me into existence. He created me with His own hands.

I forget that my life is all about Him; if He’s my focus, everything will come together. The way I feel when I look at the ocean is not remotely close to how overjoyed God feels when He looks at me. If He loves us enough to create us for His glory and pleasure, I know He’s going to walk with us every step of the way. I was reminded of that truth after the little dance on the beach. Knowing He loves me more than oceans, sunsets and stars gives me joy and peace.

Who I Am
The realization came in a heavenly embrace on the seashore that evening, in the assurance of His love, in the feeling of total safely, not in some huge thundering way, but in a sweet, quiet moment. It came in knowing He knew my heart so well and how I love all things beautiful and romantic. He gave me a memory I will never forget.

My life isn’t about where I’m going, who I’m dating or what I’m doing; it’s about who I am in Christ. He’s all over the big picture. He’s helping me figure out what comes next, but I think He also loves the little moments we can just be together and love and enjoy each other. He makes me feel beautiful.

I’m winding into the mountains now, writing in barely legible sentences trying to remember all the details. I’m slowly getting farther away from the ocean. But the romance hasn’t faded. Neither has the smile I can’t seem to wipe off my face.