I said yes.

Don’t get me wrong. I have friends, and I love to talk! But at the time, there was something so terrifying about anyone seeing past my “perfect Christian girl” cover. What if people stopped liking me? What if they knew this or that about me? What if they knew the real me? Other girls saw me as the-girl-who-has-it-all-together, but as our group would soon learn, the “perfect Christian girl” doesn’t exist! She’s a figment of our imaginations. A figment who, for many years, each group member tried her hardest to become.

Getting Deep
We named our group “The Sisterhood,” because we believed that God’s love created a bond between us. We’re now all 20-something women passionate about God and loving and serving others. But it wasn’t until we began meeting once a week that we realized the interactions we’d once called fellowship and growth were really only surface-level.

“How are you doing today?” someone might have asked.

The typical, “perfect Christian girl” response would’ve been, “Everything’s great. God is so good! I’m terrific.”

Only when we sat down together and created trust through honest talking (and chocolate!) did we begin to understand our own hearts and God’s heart. When the “perfect Christian girl” was banished from our surroundings, our interactions about joys and struggles became honest.

“What’s going on in your life?” we asked each person during our “check-in” time. Our responses were diverse:

“I’m not spending regular time reading the Bible.”

“My boyfriend and I really want to be physical.”

“Sometimes I doubt whether God is active in my life.”

When we gave our fear, pride and perfectionism over to God, true healing and spiritual growth began to take place. Our group has since dispersed due to graduations, marriages and moves. But for the two years we met, we were there for each other. We realized and still truly believe that the Christian life is a journey—one we’re not meant to travel in isolation.

Today we’re still there for each other. Loving and listening ears are just a few cell phone clicks away.

Tips For Starting Your Own Group
Follow these ideas to start your own accountability group.

1. Regular Attendance. Trust and growth is best established when people are committed to the group. Choose a regular day, time and place that works with everyone’s schedules.

2. Prayer. Begin and close the meeting by talking with God. Invite the Holy Spirit to be active in people’s hearts and ask for the Spirit to give guidance.

3. Check-In. Give each group member an opportunity (1 or 2 minutes) to briefly recap her life during the past week. This allows everyone to focus and recognize what issues might be brought to the group for discussion and prayer.

4. Confidentiality. What is said in the group stays in the group. Even stories told belong to the storyteller and no one else. Confidentiality should be broken only if a group member is a risk to herself or someone else.

5. Bible study. How will you know God’s truth if the basis isn’t God’s Word? Bring your Bibles to group and choose themes, Bible passages or even study books to work from.

6. Confrontation. This isn’t a negative term. Confrontation can be talking about problems, issues and sin, but it’s also much more. It’s pointing out inconsistencies in people’s lives with great humility.

7. Accountability. Give permission for the members to hold you and others responsible for what each one wants to gain from the group. This can also include asking week-to-week or even day-to-day questions that may relate to an individual’s struggles.

8. Honesty. Allow yourself to become vulnerable, even to the point of sharing difficulties. Ask others for their support and commitment to help you.

9. Respect. Appreciate and never degrade anyone’s feelings. Disagreements and differing views are normal but should be handled with care and attitudes geared not always toward agreement, but reconciliation.